I'm almost finished with two new features that should hopefully be done in less than a week, so sit tight people. In the meantime, here are a couple of pictures from this past weekend and yup, you guessed it, more Procrasto-Links -- but only because I love you.

Procrasto-Links: (Submit your own)

Apparently hatred is in the air, because my Arch Nemesis tally has jumped from six to a whopping nine. You'll also be happy to know that I finally got around to posting the pictures from my Kwanzaa dinner. Spare me the hatemail on this one -- I'm not racist whatsoever, I just happen to love fried chicken, hot sauce and delicious malt liquor.

Finally, take a gander at this video footage of Brazilian soccer phenom, Jean Carlos Chera, who is being scouted by just about every major European premiere team... and he is only 9 years old -- amazing.

Procrasto-Links:

Looks like I finally got around to some internet housekeeping which means all the pictures should be up and running smoothly in a couple days. Since you're impatient people, check out this new AIM Annoyance convo plus everyone's favorite: Hate Mail.

And for those of you who are really bored...

Procrasto-Links:

And last but certainly not least, special thanks to leetstudios.com for helping me with some revamping of the site's design. Very appreciated bud.

So, I got bored the other night and was looking through all the different phrases that web-surfers typed into search engines to find this site -- whether intentionally or not. After browsing through over a thousand or so, I've determined you can basically break these people down into four categories. Keep in mind, these are all 100% true.

1) Firstly, there are those individuals who I feel bad for because they were searching for a legitimate topic but somehow ended up witnessing the debauchery that is this site. Since I probably wasted their time, I should at least attempt to give them the web-results they were looking for:

"gatling gun northern civil war" - The Gatling gun was a hand-crank-operated weapon with 6 barrels revolving around a central shaft. The cartridges were fed to the gun by gravity through a hopper mounted on the top of the gun. 6 cam-operated bolts alternately wedged, fired, and dropped the bullets, which were contained in steel chambers. Gatling used the 6 barrels to partially cool the gun during firing. Each barrel was capable of firing 100 rounds per minute.

"is my child an albino?" - Well, if your child happens to lack all skin pigment, has red eyes, and is constantly called "Powder" by his classmates... then the chances are you have yourself an Albino child. I'd recommend selling him to the circus.

"what to do if someone got aids" - Don't have sex with them.

2) Then there are the countless sexually deviant internet viewers:

"little girl phone sex, horny Amish farm girls, role playing doctor before sex, boys who want to be molested, cheese porn, girl on girl ass eating, spank me porn, herpes lover, mmm... porn, sorority girl cleveland steamers, bukkake love fest," and my personal favorite "she hand milked me dry."

3) There are some that fall into the abnormal, odd, and "what the fuck were you thinking?" category:

"cats getting high" - Maybe PETA should've been more concerned with what this guy has in store for his cat than with what I did to a stupid hamster.

"tracy gold sexy anorexia pics" - In case you don't remember, Tracy Gold was the daughter on TV's Growing Pains. Supposedly, she then went insane, stopped eating, dropped down to about 80 lbs, and according to the guy who searched for this phrase -- got sexy. She then starred in the TV movie about anorexia, For the Love of Nancy, which I had to watch in 6th grade health class. Apparently she's still a fucking wack-job considering she got a DUI with her three kids in the car. Smooth move, slut.

"porn star uncle jesse" - While Uncle Jesse was the most badass character in the history of family sitcoms, I don't think he was ever a porn star. If I'm mistaken and someone can produce said movie, then let me know.

"hamster cocaine crazy party" - Shit. I don't know what kind of parties this guy is having, but put me on the invite list.

4) And finally, there are those where the only thing you can do is laugh:

"extra small condoms" - Hahaha, you have a small penis.

"cool things to do to your man during sex" - Ladies, if you need to look up sex moves on the internet, chances are your boyfriend is cheating on you.

"genital warts medical breakthroughs" - Sorry bud, you're screwed.

"i think i had sex when i was drunk but i dont remember" - You did, and I was not a gentle lover.

Welcome to December, a wonderful month filled with powdery snow, delicious potato pancakes, and sparkly Christmas lights. Sounds like a kick-ass time, right? Wrong. In the life of your typical college student, December just means being metaphorically raped by never ending research papers and finals that are thrown at you by sadistic professors who would rather you sit inside at your computer and get seasonal depression than have you frolic outside with magical snowmen. Bastards.

Anyways, everyone knows that 85% of the time that you are supposedly "working" you are really just aimlessly surfing the web like a rotten whore, and you probably go to the same old boring sites that you always look at (except this one of course). In fact, unless you're an internet celebrity, you may have some trouble finding good procrastination sites... allow me to be of some assistance. If I can, I will try my best to post a dozen or so interesting, amusing or freakishly bizarre websites every couple of days during finals.

By the way, most websites label inappropriate links as NSFW (Not Safe For Work), however I'm gonna go with the college equivalent: NSFL (Not Safe For Library). So, you have been forewarned, don't open any NSFL links in the computer lab unless you want some fucked up looks from your fellow students. Enjoy, slackers.

Procrasto-Links:

Never in the history of the World Wide Web has the life of a simple hamster named Vincent been able to elicit such a broad array of emotions and feelings from so many different people: compassion, rage, excitement, psychotic tendencies, or maybe a little bestiality crush.

No matter what your reaction was to the Save Vincent piece, whether you were an animal rights nutball who wanted to see me strung up by my testicles and publicly beaten or if you were one of the hundreds of Modified Living loyalists who emailed me with support for my noble cause, one thing links you all together -- the shared anticipation of today, December 5th.

While I could continue to babble on or preach more of my often idiotic web gibberish, I'll spare you just this once because we all know why you're really here: the fate of Vincent.

(From now on, imagine I'm speaking in the booming voice from True Hollywood Stories)

Vincent's story consumed the online community, catapulting him to superstar status with a vast international following ... but behind it all, behind the hype, the popularity, behind the cocaine-fueled crazy sex parties with hamster groupies ... there was a dark and secretive world consumed by lies, deception and dishonesty.

Behold, The Truth.

Well hello again. In case you hadn't noticed, this little site of mine was out of commission for about 4 days. Why? It seems that our good friends at PETA, RSPCA, ASPCA and several other organizations with unnecessary acronyms put immense pressure on my now former hosting company about the Save Vincent page. Needless to say, I was informed by some pseudo-exec over at HostOnce.com that they no longer wanted to be "associated with content" of such badass nature.

So, if any of you future webmasters are in the market for a sweet hosting company that buckles under the slightest amount of outside pressure from hippie focus groups, make sure you give HostOnce.com a gander!

Lucky for me, fellow web-pimp Ryan Perry (GorillaMask.net) just got himself a turbo charged, light speed, super-dee-duper dedicated server -- complete with the flux capacitor from Back to the Future -- allowing me to tap back into the sexiness of the internet. I thank you kind sir.

So, in recap: hippies suck, HostOnce.com are gutless queerbags from Australia, GorillaMask rules, and Vincent is fucking toast.

Oh, and I reworked the layout and graphics of the site a bit, so bear with me as links may be broken or misguided. And finally, in case you missed it - exclusive Modified Living poker deal.

How's it going people? So far, the hamster-lovin' world has raised $51.50 in their hopes of sparing poor Vincent's life. Many of you should be happy to hear that Vincent has developed a huge fan base from overseas -- with thousands of visitors each day spouting their support from the likes of England, Australia, Germany, Holland and Israel, to name a few.

Now, one would assume that such a large international following could muster more support than a mere $51.50... and this might prove to be true except for one crucial factor -- an overwhelming amount of respondents would rather see Vincent's furry ass catapulted skyward in his hot air balloon coffin than have him spared from his impending doom. I've even received numerous emails from visitors saying that they'd be more willing to donate towards his death than his freedom.

To that affect... it looks like the rules of the game have changed.

Instead of my previous ultimatum of $500 by December 5th to Save Vincent, I'm going to put the decision more in the hands of you, the internet viewer. Whichever side donates the most cash by December 5th will clearly control the fate of this brave hamster's life.

Obviously no one cared about the U.S. presidential election -- this is your time to cast the most decisive vote in human history: Will Vincent follow our old friend Ass in his vertical ascent to heaven or will he be unshackled from his life of imprisonment?

It's your civic duty, choose wisely.

P.S. New pics from Halloween - I was Ashlee Simpson... sexy, I know.